Art of Loving Advice
Question:
My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years...about 3 years ago we were out to dinner for the first time in a few months. He had 2 jobs and besides sleeping and eating at home, we had maybe 5 hours a week together to talk. Anyway, a pretty woman caught his eye...I tried to ignore it but after we returned home it blew up into a fight. After a few days we talked about it and I explained to him that he has 14 hours a day away from home to ogle...I would appreciate that the when we are together so few hours a week, I would expect his full attention. He agreed that it made sense. But since that talk...it has become so obvious to me that he has taken that knowledge and now uses it against me to deliberately hurt me when we are out together. He tries to make the situation look completely innocent. No, I am not imagining things...I have studied his behavior to MAKE SURE that I am right! I have tried to pretend like I don't notice because it is the reaction that he wants...Psch 101 says to not give the reaction and it will stop. That is difficult to do when he just tries even harder...This Sunday is our 10th anniversary and we were going to go to dinner. I have decided to cook at home as I am afraid it is a set-up, He knows that the worst most hurtful time he could do this would be this very day! What does this say about how he feels about me? What does this say about me for staying in this hurtful relationship besides I'm in love? Please help.
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Why would anyone stay in a relationship to be psychologically abused? It does not sound like you love yourself by putting up with this kind of behaviour. It sounds like you need more time together. Working two jobs does not help a loving relationship grow. I would suggest you read my article on Priorities, which gets into this problem area that many couples face in their relationships.
I think you need to get some honest feedback from your husband of how he is feeling about you and your relationship together. I would recommend you seek professional counselling immediately to assist you in reviving your relationship. Though counselling is only an option if you both desire help in getting your relationship back on track.
Paul Mauchline
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