Art of Loving Advice
Question:
My name is Frankie and I have been dating the love of my life for more than
1.5 years, and we are getting married in another 1.5 years. We enjoy each
other's company very much, and we spend a lot of time with each other. We
both come from different backgrounds. She comes from a lower class
background, she's not really close with her family, and she doesn't have a
lot of friends. She also didn't have a lot to look forward to when she was
younger. All her friends are married with kids. I have a very close
family, and quite a few friends. Occasionally when I want to just stay home
for the night and relax, or just hang out with the guys she gets mad and
upset with me. She thinks I hate her or I just don't want to see her that
night. I also find myself hiding things from her because I am afraid of how
she will react if I tell her about it. I think she has a trust issue with
me. I trust her, but she doesn't trust me. I am 100% loyal to her, and I
have expressed that every minute of every day. I know her previous
relationship was surrounded by lies and mistrust, and I feel this has a lot
to do with how she is. My family is concerned that our marriage will have
problems if she can't understand the fact that I need my space and time away
from her every once in a while to relax or spend time with friends or
family. I include her in everything just about (family functions), and my
family loves her to death. My parents feel that she has a leash around my
neck, and won't let me do anything without getting in an argument about
wanting to stay home for the evening. I blame this on the fact that she
seems a bit possessive of me because I am her only friend on top of being
her fiancé! Any suggestions on how I can talk to her and get her to
understand me and trust me. I realize that I don't need to spend every
spare minute I have with her because I have other people in my life that are
just as important, but se doesn't understand that.
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If you are already having severe problems like this now, the future does not look bright for you and your lady. I would not be entertaining marriage based on what you have revealed to me. Your lady needs counselling right now, and possibly later on with you as a couple. I would not be getting married until she gets help with her fear- based issues. I honestly would not engage the thought of staying with a person like this based on her behaviour. You have to love yourself first. Putting up with this type of behaviour from someone you love --- is not a sign of loving yourself.
Paul Mauchline
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