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Art of Loving Advice Hi, I am losing the love of my life and I don't know what to do. Background info: This is my first same sex (female-female) relationship and we have been together and lived together for almost 4 years. I have two sons and she has loved them as if they were her own and they love her dearly. The four years have been hard because we have (mainly me) battled with trying to please people and keep up appearances. I have taken them up and down so many emotional rollercoasters. One minute I wanted to be with them, then I would pull back. I never pulled back because I didn't love them, but I just didn't know how to love them like I should have. Well, then something happened to push all of my feelings to the surface and I realized just how much I did love them and that I didn't want to lose them. I told them that I am ready to give my heart to them completely, but they are too afraid to trust me. They have developed a close friendship with a co-worker and this has made me very uncomfortable. I have accused them of wanting to be with this person, but they have told me nothing is going on. I am so afraid of losing her to this other person because they are so close now. I made things worse by being overly jealous and fussing all the time. The past couple of months have been extremely hard. And they have already started putting up their defenses. Now, they have moved out of the house because they need some time and space. This decision has broken my heart. I don't know how to let go and hold on to them at the same time. They tell me that they still love me, but that they are scared to love me again. I love them more than I ever realized I could love a person. I don't want to give up on or lose that. Loving them has been my life's joy. If I was to die tomorrow, I will be happy knowing that I loved someone with all my heart and that they truly love me too. I need your help. I don't know what to do without putting pressure on them or further alienating them from me. Please help!! |
 "Love = Life, Fear = No Life, there is no in between in my opinion." I am sensing a lot of fear here, and this is no basis for a loving relationship. Love begins by loving yourself. This I feel is where you need to begin. I would seriously consider some counselling to get you through your hurt, and would also recommend reading some of my book suggestions on my web site. As you said putting pressure on them will only further add more conflict and separation. Sometimes in life we must let go of the ones we love. I have been myself in this situation in the past, and as difficult as it was on me, I moved on to better relationships. |
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