Art of Loving Advice
Question:
Hello, this is my first time on a web site like this, and I am not sure whether this is where I am supposed to be sending my message to or not, so forgive me if its the wrong address. I am not sure if you can help me with my question, but I need to
know if I am acting badly or not.
Ok, so I am a 19 year old female, and I have been with this guy named P (18 years old) for about 2 and half years, we are very committed to each other. The problem is that his friends seem to be attached to him, I have always felt like this, but just lately I
have been getting mad over them always being there. It seems every once and awhile P gets this new friend and they are best friends. I just started to go to P's school in Feb. to get 2 more credits, so I really don't know allot of people there, so being with
his friends is not a problem at school, it is the fact that every day at lunch his younger brother, and his two friends pop in his car and assume that it is ok, so I get dropped off at home allot because I don't want to be with his friends all the time, his brother is
fine with me being there it is just his friends and no i really don't like his friends at all, I would never choose to hang with then outside of school with out P, but I am nice to them....now I give my boyfriend gas money, none of his friends help with the gas
situation, and I feel that I get the cold shoulder from his friends because I am there at school now. Sometimes his friends make me feel really unwanted and they ask p to do things all the time and sometimes I know they would rather be with just P, and they are alot when I am at work, but I feel that they are not to happy that I am there. I will say that no I do not want to share him all the time, but it is the fact that they think they are always invited to where P goes, or where we go. It is not like P is with me and my friends (which is doesn't like alot of them) all the time, he never hangs with my friends, so how is it fair that I always have to be with his friends? I would like to have a nice lunch with just us two once in a while, but when I talk to P about it, he says nothing, that what is he supposed to do, it is his brother, and his friends he cant just say no you can't come. I don't think P cares that I get upset about this. My question is do I really have a right to be upset, or am I acting like an obsessive girlfriend?..and how do I get P to understand this?
thanks for you advice-T
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I guess what I fail to understand is why a young woman of 19 and a young man of 18 are so consumed with these types of problems. Have fun with one another. Life is too short for your energy to be consumed on these types of conflicts.
Tell "P" how you feel. Sit him down and look into his eyes and tell him how this is affecting you and your relationship with him. Revisit my web site and read my article about, "Priorities". One's priorities are the key to the success of a loving relationship. You and "P" need to find some balance between time alone and friends. Maybe your relationship is not as important to "P" as it is to you.
If you are not happy, start making some changes. Love begins by loving yourself.
Paul Mauchline,
The Art of Loving Institute
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