Art of Loving Advice
Question:
My wife and I had great sex when we were dating. Shortly after we got
engaged she seemed to gradually lose interest however. I don't think she
handles stress well, and it seemed there's always something every day that'd
keep her out of "the mood." I was lucky if we had sex once or twice a month.
We have a two year old that of course stresses her out all day and leaves
very much not in the mood at night. Except for a few vacations and when we
were trying to get pregnant it seemed we never had sex more than once a week,
if even that often. I think I have become resentful of her. Even when she
is in the mood I am now having "performance problems" which I think are
partly bacause of my pent up anger with her. This has now become a vicious
cycle and I don't know what to do. The really pathetic part was that we have
not had sex since Valentine's Day and guess what? She got pregnant that day!
We were using the "rhthym method" since, after all, we didn't have sex very
often. Obviously this wasn't a "safe day" as she thought. I can't believe
we had sex just a few times this year and now we're having a second child -
which will at least double her stress level with two kids to care for. This
has made me more resentful of her. I do all I can to help her at home but it
never seems to be enough. Any advice?
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Your letter resulted in my most recent Editor's Message. I get dozens of letters a day with this type of problem. Go to my web site at www.artofloving.com and read my editorial. Take the time to read the many articles posted in the love and relationships section of my site.
You need to go deeper into your relationship and find out what is causing this lack of intimacy in your relationship. You need to start communicating more to your wife, and find out why the intimate side of your relationship is not working. There are other problems that are causing this lack of intimacy.
You should consider some counselling.
Paul Mauchline,
The Art of Loving Institute
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