Art of Loving Advice
Question:
I need to give you some back round information before I ask my question. I
have been seeing my boyfriend for two years now, we were friends for three
months prior to getting serious. I knew every thing about him, he knew every
thing abut me. I was astonished about his past and I thought that I could
never be with a man like that, I was totally against the things that he had
done and that he was still doing. He told me about how he liked to go to
strip clubs and did get involved with a few stripers that he had meet, that
was not too bad. Then I found out that he had a lot of sour relationships and
went to hookers to satisfy his sexual needs. He even dated one. Due to the
things I knew about him as friends I had no romantic attachment or interst in
him, but he swept me off my feet. He was truly a good man underneath all that
sin, and that's the man I ended up falling in love with. He is good to me and
its my best relationship ever. Time went by, and I started to find out things
that he never told me he had done while we were together. I found out that
when he goes out with his friend he would take him to a massage parlor (the
ones that gave sexual satisfaction not massages) My boyfriend did not go in
side how ever but I do not know if that is true or not. (I have trust issues
by the way) Then I find out that he and his friend has picked up women
(hookers) and drove them around trying to get his friend some "action." My
boy friend was just basically the taxi because his friend was always drunk.
My boy friend said that it was not his car to tell his friend that he could
or could not pick someone up. He did not tell me about how he, his friend,
and brother went to a strip club. Then he went to a company BBQ that was held
in a parts store parking lot and ran into his ex that works there (she has
always worked there, from what I know he did not know she still worked there
until he ran in to her that day) he neglected to tell me about this until two
months later. I have found a phone number in his room. When I confronted him
with it he snatched it out of my hand and said "you cant trust any one, you
cant trust that someone actually loves you enough to never cheat on you." He
says that that he cant remember where he got the number, that it was probably
a number he got before he meet me. He has lied about the times he has got
home from work and never tells me any thing. He says that it is not important
to him, so he never remembers to tell me. My question is, with all this in
mind and the fact that I have trust issues, should I believe him? Or should I
do some sole searching on this relationship? THANK YOU
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"My question is, with all this in
mind and the fact that I have trust issues, should I believe him? Or should I
do some sole searching on this relationship?"
I feel you have answered your own question. Lack of trust is no basis for a loving relationship. I feel you should start with yourself and consider counseling in dealing with these issues of trust that you are having in this relationship.
If he is indeed the good man you say he is, then you need to communicate to him how you are feeling. There can be no lies, and he must understand how important truth is if your relationship is to continue. I certainly would not be in a relationship with someone I could not trust.
Paul Mauchline,
The Art of Loving Institute
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