Art of Loving Advice
Question:
Hi - I don't know how this works, so i will just say my name is lexy, in
case you publish this. I'm having a very difficult and emotionally
tormenting time right now. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year
and we were long distance for part of that time. he fell really fast for me
and treated me like a queen. i fell for him, too - but slowly. i'm not the
type who falls easily, and I am in my early twenties (just out of college)
and have only been in love once. the relationship is great and I care for my
boyfriend tremendously, but lately I've been having all these doubts about
my feelings for him - whether or not I am really in love. I think he is a
little crazier about me than I am for him and I want to know if that happens
a lot in relationships - that people's feelings shift and one person may be
crazier for the other at certain times. Anyway, I've already driven myself
nuts with questions and fear and worry and need peace again. I don't want my
relationship to end, but I don't want to live a lie and I'm not sure I know
what it means to be in love, nor do I trust myself and the decisions I make.
There's a lot going on in my life right now - and I'm not sure about
anything. I'm just a ball of fear. I was so thrilled with my boyfriend a few
weeks ago and loved the little things - like lying on his lap and talking,
or snuggling. now i'm filled with doubt and questioning everything. what
should I do?
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I think you need to be more open and honest and tell your boyfriend how you are feeling. Keeping these feelings inside just complicates your relationship with him. Makes sure you tell him you are not looking for him to provide a solution, only to listen. I would be looking at yourself more to get more in tune with what is really bothering you. Is it the relationship? Is it work? Is it past experiences coming to play here? You may want to consider getting some counselling. Unfortunately this is not the venue to be dealing with these types of issues. I do not have a magic answer for you. I would encourage you to work on yourself. Stop thinking and do something. There is no room for fear in your life. Fear will only doom your life, and your relationship. Our minds play a lot of games. Go with your intuition and your heart, versus your head. I would encourage you to read many of my book suggestions on my site, especially "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz.
Stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Focusing on the negative and focus on the positive aspects of your life and your relationship. Take your time, be honest with yourself and others, and above all have some fun.
Paul Mauchline,
The Art of Loving Institute
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