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Art of Loving Advice I've been dating a woman for three years and she is finally putting her foot down regarding marriage which I am scared of. Coming from a family where my parents, siblings, and aunts and uncles have been divorced at least once, I am very wary of a life commitment. She appreciates that but she is tired of waiting, doesn't want to be in a dead end relationship, and wants her degree of love to be reciprocated. My girlfriend has given me some to do's or else the relationship is over very soon: a) move in together to determine if I can co-habitat or not (this freaks me out) b) figure out if I love her enough to marry her c) go to counseling to determine a path to marriage plan This seems reasonable to me since she is deserving of a loving relationship, but I get so anxious just saying, "I love you" much less thinking about taking the plunge. My shrink basically says I have to figure out for myself how much I love her first to determine whether it's worth it or not to go to counseling together, but I can't help but think that I have some deeper issues I need to resolve. Here are some details on how I feel: I'm sexually attracted to other women more than to her. I have a busy schedule and she always seems to fall to the bottom of my priority list. Sometimes I feel obligated to spend time with her and would rather be doing something else sometimes when we're together. I am not genuinely happy just being with her at her family or friends get-togethers which I find tedious. I don't feel comfortable telling her I love her (or anyone else for that matter). On the other hand, I could list more than a dozen things I would miss about her the person if we weren't together. You should know that my past relationships always start out amazingly passionate, but become doubtful after six months and finally end near the three year milestone. I feel like I'm not capable of a long term relationship. Any advice would help - please! |
 Your girlfriend's requests are quite reasonable. You have commitment issues that need to be addressed. I would continue working with your therapist. Priorities are very important and it concerns me that you say that she is at the bottom of your list. Maybe you just have not found the one for you. |
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