Art of Loving Advice
Question:
I was on the internet looking for some love advice, and I think I came to the
right place. I've been dating this girl for 2.5 months, and we met 4months
ago at a club in NYC. When we met, we clicked right away. We danced, talked,
and even kissed. Unfortunately, she was home for her Spring break from
college, and she had to go back to North Carolina the next day. We exchanged
phone #'s, and hoped to see each other again. Well 4 days later she called,
and we started talking on the phone, emailing, etc, then I flew down to see
her in North Carolina at school 3 weeks after we first met since I missed her
so much. I really connected with her on the phone, and wanted to see if what
I felt was real. So we got to know each other, and started falling in love.
Then she came to see me 2 weeks after that, and then again on my B-day. We
realized that this was something special, and we then became exclusive.
Since then we traveled together, saw each other as much as we could, but now
everything is different. The main issue is that she has 1 year left in
school, and she will not be back for good till May of 2001. Furthermore, I'm
having a very difficult time adjusting to the long distance relationship.
She's done it before, so she copes better than I do. However, She just
started taking summer classes, and works 3 nights a week bartending, so she
does not have much free time for me lately. Nevertheless,
the other night I called her out of frustration while I was drinking, and
said some really hurftul things to her. I was frustrated, down, and it should
have never happenned. So now she wants to take a step back and talk 2 or 3
times a week, because she's emotionally drained. She said that she loves me,
but a relationship needs more then just love to work. She thinks I don't
trust her, and that I need to be more understanding of her current situation
if this relationship is going to work. She's RIGHT! So we decided to take a
step back and not see each other for 6 weeks, when summer school is over for
her then talk about our relationship. We agreed to talk 2 or 3 times a week
when our schedules connect, and communicate through email.
It's not what I want, but she wants her space. I'm scared. It's hard for me
to take a step back since we spoke 2 or 3 times a day for the last 3 months,
and now it's 2 or 3 times a week. I'm also scared because I love her, and I
don't want to lose her. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with
her, and I know that everything will get better when we are in the same city
next year. I feel like if we take a step back now, that she'll be able to
take care of her responsibilities, and we'll eventually get back to being us
again. I wanted to know what you think we can do? Also, with your experience
do long distance realtionships work? Can we get through this bump in the
road? Or am I wasting my time? or should I break up with her, and if it's
meant to be we'll cross paths again in MAY of next year. Please help I'm
confused, and nervous, since I really want to make this work, but don't know
if I can handle the long distance!
Moreover, I'm 28, have my own company, successful, and deeply in LOVE!
PLEASE HELP!
-confused guy in NY
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You are in a very new relationship --- 2.5 months. Slow down...take it easy. Long distance relationships do work as long as there is a plan of eventually being together. Your girl is in school... just try being patient!!! She will be finished her studies in less than a year. What is your hurry?? She has to have a life also, and more importantly be an individual. Life does not stop because of you. Sorry to be blunt... Grow Up!!!! Get over your fears. There is no room for fear in your life or in your relationship. You freaked her out with your drunken call .Now you have to earn her trust and respect again. If you really love this woman you will be patient and allow time to heal and bring you together. I would suggest you really take some time to read the many articles on my web site. I would also encourage you to read some of my book suggestions. Start educating yourself about love and relationships. Love requires, patience, discipline, concentration, practice, and faith.
Paul Mauchline,
The Art of Loving Institute
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