Art of Loving Advice
Question:
I have been married to my husband for 7 years and we have 2 kids.
A few years ago I caught him on the internet at some gay websites and getting
some emails from gay males. I tried to talk to him about this, but he
totally denied anything and made it seem like he was getting these emails by
accident (someone else has a close screenname or some excuse like that...)
Anyway...now he has been acting suspiciously again when it comes to the
computer...getting up really early and spending lots of time under a
screenname he has a private password for....I have the password and though it
may make me into a bad person, my suspicions have gotten the worst of me and
I have snooped. Actually, he gave me the password so I could add a new
screen name for myself and then he began clearing out his old mail and sent
mail...probably so I wouldn't see it. SO....I have checked into his files a
few times and have seen that he has been emailing pics back and forth (all
men, all penis shots, etc) for a couple of months at least....now this
morning I have seen an email about being online at a specific time to set up
something....upon checking the profile of the person he was I AM FREAKING
OUT!!!! I am just sick with the thought that he will act upon some urges he
is having, but I don't know how to approach this subject....no doubt he will
flip because I have snooped and invade HIS privacy....and try to ignore the
whole topic that concerns me--that of violating our marriage vows and
straying. Any show that has gay characters is one he watches (LOVES Qweer as
Folk).....wondering what to do....in a state of panic. What should I do????
Thanks for any advice you can offer!
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You have every right to be concerned and upset about your husband's new interests. In my humble opinion his behaviour is not normal, and certainly not acceptable as a husband and father. You must have a very serious conversation with him about how you are feeling. If he is indeed a closet homosexual -- it is time he came out of the closet. If not, then you must insist he stops this hobby of his immediately.
You should seek counselling immediately. You need the help of a trained professional to help you with what you are going through right now. I would insist he also seek help for his problems -- unless he is prepared to engage in honest dialogue with you.
Love yourself, and get proactive about what is happening. Loving relationships are not built on suspicion and lack of trust.
Paul Mauchline,
The Art of Loving Institute
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