Art of Loving Advice
Question:
I am about a year into a relationship with a great girl, but I am having some reservations. It seems I am falling into a pattern that I have seen before, where I try to be the best guy I can, giving my partner whatever I have to give (e.g. back rubs, cooking dinner, writing little love note).
While my female friends say that I am a perfect catch, my girlfriend has started taking me for granted. Our sex life has also taken a big dive, from about 4-5 times a week to about once a month, if that. For a while, I was initiating sex and creating intimate lead-ins, but after a few negative responses, I began to take it personally. I won't allow myself to be a doormat to her and have explained that I don't feel as appreciated as I used to, but it only leads to bickering and more frustration. As I said, this happened with my last girlfriend, and the result was a lot of resentment and negativity. How can I present how I am feeling in a non-confrontational way?
|
There is nothing wrong with doing your best in anything in your life -- as long as you don't take it to extremes. Lack of sexual intimacy in most cases signals that there are other issues that are affecting the relationship. The constant bickering is sure to extinguish your love and physical attraction for one another.
I feel you need to have a very honest talk with your girlfriend. You both need to be brutally honest with one another as to how you feel. I get the feeling your girlfriend is not communicating with you honestly. You may both consider seeking some professional help individually, and later possibly as a couple. There is no quick fix or cure to remedy your problems and get your relationship back on track. It takes hard work from both you to achieve a healthy loving relationship.
Some words of wisdom to you -- Don't take things personally!!! Also don't assume -- communicate with your girlfriend. Love is about giving -- there is no scoreboard. If you give -- do not expect anything back. With expectations we set ourselves up for disappointments -- hence feelings of resentment, anger, and feeling unloved.
Non-confrontational?? Look her in the eyes and tell her your honest feelings, and ask her to do the same. Listen to one another and work together to bring love back into your relationship. Don't attempt to try to fix or change one another.
Paul Mauchline,
The Art of Loving Institute
Back to Advice | Back to Archive
Send this page to a friend
|
 |
