Art of Loving Advice
Question:
i've been dating this guy on and off for a couple of years now. things
start out going really well but then after a few months, we hit the same
road block. he seems perfectly happy and says so but i am having difficulty
dealing with some things. i think we truly love each other and want to work
it out this time but we need some help getting past the "road block." i am
religious (Christian), and he is a very new Christian as well. i am 20, he's
26. the first issue is that he is very busy, he's getting his MBA at a top
grad school and his schedule is very demanding. he rarely makes time to
even eat or sleep and we only see each other once a week and talk on the
phone now and then. i don't feel like much of a priority but i am trying to
be patient because i know he is very devoted to his schoolwork (and
stressed) and that he does want to spend time with me. before he went to
grad school, we spent tons of time together, so i know that he does care.
the second issue is that, although my faith (and keeping sex to marriage as
much as possible) are very important to me, intimacy is very, very important
as well. he seems satisfied, and i know he finds me very attractive but he
never initiates anything anymore, and often turns me down as well. we've
talked about it- he isn't sure what the problem is but i typically just end
up crying because i feel so terrible. all of my friends say they can't keep
their boyfriends and husbands off of them for more than 5 minutes and i
can't seem to get mine to pay attention for more than a few seconds... it
really hurts, but i know that relationships take work and am willing to be
patient. i can't shake the feeling that it can work out, we just need to
work through some things. the odd thing is that when we are drunk, we are
all over each other and everything is fine. he says there is too much
stress surrounding the issue now so maybe that's why he just avoids it
altogether. please help,
-E
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Hi E,
Your guy is stressed right now due to his academic studies and work load at present. Give him some slack, and
don't stress him. You know once he is finished that things will hopefully get back to normal. He though should be
making a little time for you. I am a big believer in one's priorities, and as long as he is making effort, that is what
counts.
As for the intimacy issue you have with him, I feel it could be grad school affecting him, and the current stress he is
going through at present. Though in my opinion, intimacy is a great stress reliever. So tell him he should get back
on the program again and be intimate with you. Tell him how you feel, without blaming him. Tell him to bury his
fragile male ego and listen to you, and understand the importance of this intimacy issue you are having with him.
Tell him you both need to work together to bring back the intimacy into your relationship, which creates more love
for one another.
I hope I have been some help to you. It is difficult addressing these issues on this type of venue.
Wishing you both an epic and loving day.
Paul Mauchline
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