Art of Loving Advice
Question:
I have been looking on the web for a means of getting advice about something- and yet remaining anonymous. Please could you not forward my email address to
anyone.
Maybe this problem will seem trivial, but I feel paralysed by it. Basically, I am getting married in July with a man
who I love dearly and is really good to me. However, I keep thinking and dreaming about this other man. The other
man used to live in university accomodation with me and while my fiance was studying abroad, we spent a lot of
time together. He also had a partner and during this time, although we became very close, nothing happened.....
He now lives abroad but may be returning to England soon.
I am afraid that I am only staying with my fiance because it has become a very comfortable and normal way of
living....and also because I feel I couldn't hurt some-one so kind.
A big part of me feels repressed and I really miss the feeling of desire. (that i feel for this other man.)
Please help me,
-N
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Hi N,
The purpose of my web site www.artofloving.com is to provide information, knowledge and wisdom from experts
like myself. Time does not really allow me the privilege of getting into detailed answers and assuming the role of
counsellor, or therapist. I try in my spare time to answer in short form queries like yours. I would encourage you to
visit my site again and read all the material posted. Take the time, for answers will not come from one article or
source. Love must be learnt, and learnt, again and again, there is no end to it.
You need to get over your fears and get some professional help. You need to engage the services of a therapist
or counsellor to assist you with these feelings and emotions you have at this time. You are not going to get the
help you need from one email from me, or anyone else for that matter. It sounds like you need to do a lot of work
on yourself, and i am saying this with no disrespect intended.
I question why you are going to marry someone, if you have no desire and passion for them. In my opinion this is
wrong, and unfair of you to consider marriage to your partner, with these types of feelings going through you. Time
Out!!!!!!!!! right now, and start talking to your fiancee immediately about these feelings you are having right now. I
would not be proceeding with marriage based on these feelings. Do you want to hurt yourself, your fiancee, and
become another divorce statistic? Get over your fears and get some help.
I hope I have been of some help too you.
Wishing you an epic and loving day.
Paul Mauchline
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