Art of Loving Advice
Question:
1/2 a yr ago, i commited an infidelity wif a guy fren. B4 this, i
always felt happy n thrilled to see him even though i was attached for 3
yrs. that guy is better-looking but not in terms of his physique as compared
to my boyfriend. after an eventful nite when we got drunk, we confessed we
like each other for 1 1/2yr.
after this, i became very confused n guilty becos i couldn't believe i could
ever do such thing to my bf n our relationship'd been very blissful. i even
thot he'll be my future husband for sure. after a few wks, i decided to
leave my bf for this guy. somehow, there were many of breaking and making
ups wif my bf that i ended up two-timing for 1/2 yr! it was a torturous
period for all of us. there were unfavourable comparisons between my ex and
that guy. my ex was very good to me and he has a good character. i used to
think that no one ever compares to him.
knowing wat i was doing was unfair to both of them n that i wasn't truly
happy, now i've chosen to leave them and to decide to be back with either
one or be single totally.
i know my bf is true to me and he still trust me greatly but the greatest
barrier that stops me fr going back to him is the GUILT i feel. also, i
always think we have sexual chemistry problem. i feel very sexually
attracted to that guy but not my bf. i even gave my 1st time to that guy
which i regret badly. sometimes i really wonder if there's such thing as
sexual chemistry. i always wonder if this's been a problem btw me n my bf
but yet we dint realise. do i not love him enough to want to be intimate wif
him? or he isn't the one for me? or maybe we can develop on it given time
and effort? right now, i dun feel like going back to that guy anymore even i
thot i'd always wanted to. perhaps i dun love him in the first place. and
i'm always bothered by the fact that he's not tall. my bf is 1.8m tall and
this gives me lots of physical security which i'm very particular abt.
i really hope you can give me some advice. thank you so much!
-C
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Dear C,
You have indeed been a very busy lady of late. I will tell you something honestly here; if i was your boyfriend and
you pulled this kind of stunt with me, you would have only one more chance at bat. Twice and you would be gone. It
would not matter how much love I had for you, infidelity is wrong, and a relationship breaker, plain and simple. This
causes to much hurt, resentment, and lack of trust, which all boils down to fear. I choose not to have fear in my life,
only love. Your behavior is unacceptable, and the three of you should find a therapist today, and get individual
counseling.
My advice too you would be to stay away from both gentlemen right now, and start working with a trained therapist
to deal with your fears, intimacy issues, and the reason you choose to be unfaithful to your boyfriend. You are not
doing anyone a bit of good, especially yourself with this type of behavior. Love begins by loving one's self, and
accepting this type of behavior is not loving yourself.
Try being celibate, and single for awhile and work out your problems in therapy. Once you do the work you need to
do on yourself, I feel then you can make better choices in your relationships, without infidelity. If you and your
boyfriend love one another truly, you will allow this time, to know for sure if he is the one for you.
Good Luck to you all.
Wishing you an epic and loving day.
Paul Mauchline
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