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Question:
My name is ? (but please, if you decide to publish this on your web site - use another name or something). This is the first time I have come across your web site...so I am not sure how it works...
 
However, my problem is regarding the parents of my girlfriend. I love her, I lover her alot. Although we do not plan to get married now...we have made a sure commitment to get married in 4-5 years...and yes, I do realise there is no such thing as a sure thing...but this is as close as it gets...
 
The problem is, my gf's parents expect a richer future son-in-law. My gf's father however, even though he (rightfully) expects me to have a good job and on the way to saving for a house by the time I want to marry her - is giving me time to prove myself.
 
However, her mother is a little more impulsive and narrow minded. I mean, I have just graduated from a Master's degree - so I need a little time before the money starts rolling in (hopefully). In an argument with my gf, she (gf mother) was very careful not to say it - but she also implied strongly that a richer bf would be better (e.g. by supporting her friend's opinion that my gf should be sent to the USA, as there are many rich Indonesian guys there).
 
I am really angry that she can make such an opinion on me. I mean, I know she works hard to take care of her family..but the fact is she hasn't had the pressure of earning money for the whole family (her husband does that) - therefore, she wouldn't really know how hard it is to find a job, and the time it takes to be successful. In other words, I think she is the one who is spoilt....
 
Man, I know its fair enough for her to expect any future son-in-law to be at least capable. But its like she already hates me, and not giving me time to prove myself. Yet, she has the audacity to ask me to send her to the airport, help her find furniture etc.....
 
What is your advice? Hehe, I already promised myself (with my Gf's support) that if I do get alot of money in the future, I will not tell them at all, but say "Up yours" - not literally, but by driving past in a Ferrari or something...
 
Seriously though, I really need some advice on how to deal with this....Should I talk with the father 1 to 1?
 
Yours sincerely, -?

 

Hi ?,
 
You are taking your girl friend's parents comments to seriously and more importantly you are taking them personally. So STOP this now!!!!!!!!! Ignore them and let it go in one ear and out the other. You are having a relationship with their daughter, not with them. These issues cause problems and destroy relationships, if you let them. I may suggest you read , "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz, which will help you in dealing with these problems in the future. Also take some more time to read the articles posted on my web site.
 
Get on with your life and do not allow this negativity and toxicity to spoil your relationship with your girlfriend. If you allow this to happen, they will eat you up, literally.
 
Good Luck
 
Wishing you an epic and loving day.
 
Paul Mauchline

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