Art of Loving Advice
Question:
We have been married ten years. When ever I get affectionate with
my husband, he acts indifferent. I ask him about making love. He says, "we
can" They really turns me off. Especially when I have to bring up the
subject. There was a time we had sex two or three times a week, before he
had a radial prostacomy. Now, it might be two or three times a year. It does
not have to having intercourse all the time. Some times I just want to be
hugged and kiss. Which he freely gives to other woman...
-D
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Dear D,
The medical problem I can empathize with, but it is not an excuse truly for the lack of intimacy in your relationship
with your husband. There is more to sexual intimacy, than intercourse, which you already pointed out in your note
to me. Couples must use their imaginations in order to fulfill each others needs.
I recommend you sit your husband down in a chair across from you, and take both his hands in yours and look into
his eyes and tell him how you feel!!!! Make sure you have eye contact with him throughout this talk. If his eyes
stray, you tell him to look at you before continuing the conversation. I cannot stress enough the importance of eye
contact in these types of conversations. This will allow you to get your feelings across to him, and he should see
the importance of the discussion. Do not hold anything back from him, and speak from your heart, not your head.
Tell him how you feel with love, sincerity and honesty without blaming him. Tell him to put his ego aside, and not to
take anything personally of what you are saying to him. Express your love for him, and tell him what you need from
him. Hopefully the love and the emotions you share with him, will give him the comfort to expose his feelings to
you. You may also wish to consider some couples counseling to get over these problems and get the intimacy
part of your relationship back on track again. There are also many good books on this subject you should read
together, to help the both of you strengthen your loving relationship with one another.
Good luck to the both of you in overcoming this fear of intimacy that has entered your marriage.
Paul Mauchline
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