Art of Loving Advice
Question:
Dear Art of loving,
I enjoy reading your advice page. I was wondering if you can help me with my current situation. I have been
dating a man for about five months. He owns his own company and right now, with the Internet industry
collapsing, he is under severe pressure to keep his business alive. We had three fantastic months together and I
believed at the time, that we were meant for each other. However, his business has become a priority and he has
faced possible bankruptcy, lay offs etc. I want to support him through all this, however he has become so stressed
that we rarely can enjoy each other without talking about the traumas of work. He recently suggested we put our
relationship on hold until he solidifies the direction of his business.
It's been two months now, and he's still struggling and now says that we should be friends and that I should move
on because he does not want to burden anyone with his troubles. I do not want to lose him and am willing to help
him through this tough time. However, he is a very independent man and I believe that he doesn't necessarily
need a women for support. I am sad because the traumatic events in his business have occurred too early in our
relationship and I think I've lost the one man I truly felt close to.
Since we ended our relationship due to external factors, what are the chances of us being together in the future?
Should I move on and date or be loyal and stand by his side? What is the best thing I can do for him?
Also, do you think he is sincere is saying that the reason we had to end our relationship is because he does not
want to put me through more troubles and worries about his business? He also says that he doesn't think he can
make me truly happy...I disagree. What does all this add up to?
Thanks so much for helping me in this situation. Looking forward to your response.
Signed, #2 Priority
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Hi #2 Priority,
For me if I was going through a crisis like this in my life, I would want to have the support and love of a good
woman by my side during it all. Men, hate showing weakness, and it makes so many of them uneasy especially
around love ones, when there is this type of trouble in their lives. They hate showing any vulnerability.
S you cannot change him, and how he is feeling during this time in his life. All you can do is respect his wishes
and move on with your life. I would suggest one more conversation with him. Look him straight in the eye, and I
mean total eye contact throughout the discussion and tell him how you feel about him. Truth, honesty, and hold
nothing back. If he does not respond, move on, you deserve a better person in your life.
Love starts by loving yourself. Staying with someone with lack of self esteem, and lack of love, is no basis for a
loving relationship.
One other comment, why does he think he has to make you happy? Only you can make yourself happy, not him.
Tell him that for me.
Please do visit my web site at www.artofloving.com ,as each month we add many new articles that will be of
benefit to you.
Good Luck, and wishing you an epic and loving day.
Paul Mauchline
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