Art of Loving Advice
Question:
I'm not sure if this is the kind of thing you handle but I
need some advice. My name is M and I am 21 yrs
old, I still live with my mother and I have been with my boyfriend
for almost 4 years, his name is J. The problem is that my mother
cannot stand him, I don't understand why because he is very good
to me, he takes me out, he does everything I ask him to and he is
very faithful to me, he's even great to my mother, he paid for her
divorce and paid almost all our bills for 6-8 months so my mother
wouldn't have to work for a while. After that she finely found a
job and after her car got repoed he took her to work everyday in
his brand new car and never once asked or received any money for
gas. He even take's her out with us sometimes. She does say very
hateful things about him and it hurts me very bad, I've told J
the things she says about him and it hurts him but it still helps
her anyway. I'm telling you all this to help you understand my
problem so that maybe you can help me. About 2 yrs ago we decided
to get married and we started to plan the wedding and we stared
buying things and we didn't tell my mother right away, well one day I came
home a little late and she was upset and we started arguing and
one thing lead to another and I told her, then she started crying
and telling me how much I was hurting her and I was making the biggest
mistake of my life, then a little later she told me that she wanted
to be a part of it and we could live with her for a while until
we got through with school and saved some money, then about a month
later she said that we couldn't live there and she never wanted to see
me ever again, at least while I was with him. So I thought it would be
best if I just called the whole thing off, so I did and now here I am.
J and I have been talking about it and we feel that its time for
us to take the next step in our relationship, one we should have
taken a long time ago, anyway I just don't know the best way to
go about telling my mother and I was wondering if you had any
advice for me, I would be very grateful. If you need to know
anything else please feel free to ask, I really need someone's
help. Thank You for your time.
M
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Dear M,
Short and sweet, you and J should get on with your life. I don't think your Mom is at all helping your relationship, if
anything she is hindering it. If marriage is what you choose with each other, then go for it, and don't be concerned
with your Mom. It is not you or J that is marrying Mom, but each other. Make sure you are marrying one another for
the right reasons. Based on what you have told me it would not be a bad idea for you and J to see a therapist, to
deal with these issues before moving forward with your life. Dealing with these problems now will make sure that
they don't come back to haunt you in the future.
Good luck to you & J in your journey of rising love together.
Paul Mauchline
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