Art of Loving Advice
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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- Question:
I was wondering if you could give
me some tips on how to go about discussing these issues with him. I am
wondering if there is a way to talk about it/ bring the subject up without
stressing him out as much. The last thing I want to do is add even more
stress to his life, but I seem to be doing exactly that. I want to be able
to have meaningful, constructive conversations with him (they are few and
far between at the moment) without making him feel stressed and pressured.
In fact, if anything, I need to know first and foremost how to simply put
him at ease, whether I am talking to him for 2 minutes or hanging out for
the night. I want to have good conversation but he seems very distressed
around me lately regardless (but especially if we talk about anything
substantial). Thanks,
-E
Advice
- Question:
I need some advice. I separated from my husband almost a year ago (official divorce is in a month). An
unbelievable guy has entered my life and for the last 6 months, I have pushed him away. I have big hang-ups about
my failed marriage, and cannot seem to accept the fact that he can love me despite what has happened in my
life. As a result, I continue to try and sabotage the relationship, and make grand announcements to people in my
life that it is over, when in fact it's not. I love him. I know this. But how do I stop second-guessing my own
judgement that I am in fact in love (I wound up marrying someone I didn't love the first time), and how do I begin to
put my faith and trust in him? How do I get out of the mind set that running away is the best method?
-K
Advice
- Question:
I have been looking on the web for a means of getting advice about something- and yet remaining anonymous. Please could you not forward my email address to
anyone.
Maybe this problem will seem trivial, but I feel paralysed by it. Basically, I am getting married in July with a man
who I love dearly and is really good to me. However, I keep thinking and dreaming about this other man. The other
man used to live in university accomodation with me and while my fiance was studying abroad, we spent a lot of
time together. He also had a partner and during this time, although we became very close, nothing happened.....
He now lives abroad but may be returning to England soon.
I am afraid that I am only staying with my fiance because it has become a very comfortable and normal way of
living....and also because I feel I couldn't hurt some-one so kind.
A big part of me feels repressed and I really miss the feeling of desire. (that i feel for this other man.)
Please help me,
-N
Advice
- Question:
After 15 yrs of marriage I found out my wife had a 14 month
affair, and after that she had sex 2x with another guy. And 2yrs later she
went back to the first guy for one more time. The first affair started in
1992. She called the first guy once 3yrs ago and once 6 months ago. She says
the calls were to say she moved away, and that she is happy with her life. I
had opportunity 3x, but never cheated. I showed up at her office one day,
the first affair guy was there, after she let me in the office she said they
were on a important conference call. She lied, I trusted her, she carried on
the affair for another 8 months, and after started up with the 2nd guy. I
have lost respect for her, I have no desire to do things with her. She seems
like somebody I never really knew. I feel like we will never share the same
level of happiness. We talk alot about it. She says she is remorseful,
cries, says she is ashamed. I of course still love her, but the feeling is
fading. It is strange and empty now, hard to understand how she could be in
such a different place for so long and lie about it. Any thoughts that you
can express will help, Thanks
-M
Advice
- Question:
1/2 a yr ago, i commited an infidelity wif a guy fren. B4 this, i
always felt happy n thrilled to see him even though i was attached for 3
yrs. that guy is better-looking but not in terms of his physique as compared
to my boyfriend. after an eventful nite when we got drunk, we confessed we
like each other for 1 1/2yr.
after this, i became very confused n guilty becos i couldn't believe i could
ever do such thing to my bf n our relationship'd been very blissful. i even
thot he'll be my future husband for sure. after a few wks, i decided to
leave my bf for this guy. somehow, there were many of breaking and making
ups wif my bf that i ended up two-timing for 1/2 yr! it was a torturous
period for all of us. there were unfavourable comparisons between my ex and
that guy. my ex was very good to me and he has a good character. i used to
think that no one ever compares to him.
knowing wat i was doing was unfair to both of them n that i wasn't truly
happy, now i've chosen to leave them and to decide to be back with either
one or be single totally.
i know my bf is true to me and he still trust me greatly but the greatest
barrier that stops me fr going back to him is the GUILT i feel. also, i
always think we have sexual chemistry problem. i feel very sexually
attracted to that guy but not my bf. i even gave my 1st time to that guy
which i regret badly. sometimes i really wonder if there's such thing as
sexual chemistry. i always wonder if this's been a problem btw me n my bf
but yet we dint realise. do i not love him enough to want to be intimate wif
him? or he isn't the one for me? or maybe we can develop on it given time
and effort? right now, i dun feel like going back to that guy anymore even i
thot i'd always wanted to. perhaps i dun love him in the first place. and
i'm always bothered by the fact that he's not tall. my bf is 1.8m tall and
this gives me lots of physical security which i'm very particular abt.
i really hope you can give me some advice. thank you so much!
-C
Advice
- Question:
I am 20 years old and i am 28 weeks pregnant, with my first child. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 years off and on
and we fight all the time. The reason we have problems is that i seem jealous of his bestfriend j that he lives in the same house with. I
tryed to get along but it seems she always takes my boyfriend out and i always get left out. Well the reason i am so jealous is
because they have slept togther before and i am scared that he will sleep with her agian or with someone else. Here is my question is
there any way to save our relationship? I love him so much and he wants to work things out but i am scared of another voilent fight like
we had before. I am not brused but i we did push eachother around. I want it to be like before.
-V
Advice
- Question:
I am a 27 year old male recently out of the military and attending law school. I have been in a 3 year relationship
with this wonderful girl I met while in the military. She is my first real girlfriend and the only person I've ever made
love to. Before her, I never really dated anyone. I love and care for her deeply but I'm afraid of committing to
marriage with her. For one thing, she is about 300 lbs and smokes (although she saids she has quit and is trying
to lose the weight). I'm athletic and don't smoke or drink. I lost my mother to cancer 2 years ago and I'm scared
about the health implications involved with this girl. I got involved with this girl under the idea that she was
committed to losing the weight. At the time, I didn't know she smoked because she kept it from me and all the
while I thought she was quitting. It's been 3 years now, and I'm seriously wondering if she is ever going to change
her health habits.
She is thinking about moving back to Washington to be near her family while I finish law school. She wants to get
married, but the issues of weight and smoking are holding me back. I want this relationship to work, but a part of
me feels that I should explore dating other girls at least while she is in Washington. Yet I don't want to cheat on my
girlfriend or jeapordize the relationship.
Part of me feels that I should at least date other girls to make sure she's the one, since she's really the first person
I've been involved with. I get this nagging feeling that I should at least be exploring other options in case she and I
don't work out. She saids I put conditions on my love for her - she may be right, but I just can't fathom committing
the rest of my life to someone who doesn't take care of her body. I know she's tried to change, but it's been 3
years now and nothing has really changed. She saids I should give her more time...
I love her alot though and value the relationship because for the most part, these 3 years have been great. I want
to do the right thing, because this girl has been wonderful to me and I've grown since I've been with her. I'd
appreciate any advice you can give me.
Please keep my name confidential. Also, if you do decide to answer this question, can you let me know so I can
look for what you said? Thank you for your help.
Sincerely,
M
Advice
- Question:
I am so afraid of kissing guys that its starting to be the only thing i can
think about. I have this guy i have been seeing for 3 weeks now and things
were going really well, i am confortable being close to him but he tried to
kiss me last weekend and i pulled away quickly. I don't know how to get over
this fear fro kissing, and i don't know what i will say to him next time he
tries to kiss me, and i have been trying to win this guy over for weeks now
i hope he doens't get the wrong idea and think i'm not interested which i
know is what he is thinking... i'm in serious confusion and i donn't know
how to get over this kissing fear i have, is it normal and everytime i start
kissing him i think' am i doing this right, i must look like an idiot, i
can't do this' etc and i pull away for no reason..
Need help desperatly
-L
Advice
- Question:
I need help. i thought this girl i saw in the pub was really cute and by some twist of fate i got a new job and she worked at the place. i
get on well with her and tonight i was at the pub. chatted with her we had eye contact and also i noticed she bent her legs and so we
had touching knees but she has boyfriend of two years in south africa i think i really like her cant stop thinking about her she asked if i
was going to watch rugby with her tomorrow what do i do
-R
Advice
- Question:
Hi, i'm from Argentina and I'm 23. I'm with my
girlfriend since June 98 and two weeks ago she broke
up with me cause she says that she doesn't know if whe
wanna go on with me. She's very confuse, she has a lot
of troubles on work, family and she is not happy.
I REALLY REALLY LOVER HER SO MUCH, and I do not want
to sepparate from her, I want to take care of her,
make her happy, listen to her, and love her the rest
of my life, but she doesn't let me. She doesn't wanna
go on with me, but she says that she loves me, that I
the best thing that ever happened to her, and that she
miss me so much, but she doesn't change her mind.
During this 2 weeks she was with 2 other men, she told
me, and it was after me. I'm very mad about it but I
don't care, I want her back. Today we have lunch
together (we still see each other) and she says the
same, and I lie to her and told her that I was seeing
someone, she looks like she was a little jelous and
now I don't know what to do, don't know how or what to
do PLEASE HELP ME SOON!!!!
I Miss her. THANKS!
PS: I know that I'm a grown men to do this but, my
psicologist (it's written the right way?, i mean
shrink, therapy doctor ??) give me a date to March
6th, what I'm going to do till then.
-23
Advice
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