Art of Loving Advice
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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- Question:
I need to give you some back round information before I ask my question. I
have been seeing my boyfriend for two years now, we were friends for three
months prior to getting serious. I knew every thing about him, he knew every
thing abut me. I was astonished about his past and I thought that I could
never be with a man like that, I was totally against the things that he had
done and that he was still doing. He told me about how he liked to go to
strip clubs and did get involved with a few stripers that he had meet, that
was not too bad. Then I found out that he had a lot of sour relationships and
went to hookers to satisfy his sexual needs. He even dated one. Due to the
things I knew about him as friends I had no romantic attachment or interst in
him, but he swept me off my feet. He was truly a good man underneath all that
sin, and that's the man I ended up falling in love with. He is good to me and
its my best relationship ever. Time went by, and I started to find out things
that he never told me he had done while we were together. I found out that
when he goes out with his friend he would take him to a massage parlor (the
ones that gave sexual satisfaction not massages) My boyfriend did not go in
side how ever but I do not know if that is true or not. (I have trust issues
by the way) Then I find out that he and his friend has picked up women
(hookers) and drove them around trying to get his friend some "action." My
boy friend was just basically the taxi because his friend was always drunk.
My boy friend said that it was not his car to tell his friend that he could
or could not pick someone up. He did not tell me about how he, his friend,
and brother went to a strip club. Then he went to a company BBQ that was held
in a parts store parking lot and ran into his ex that works there (she has
always worked there, from what I know he did not know she still worked there
until he ran in to her that day) he neglected to tell me about this until two
months later. I have found a phone number in his room. When I confronted him
with it he snatched it out of my hand and said "you cant trust any one, you
cant trust that someone actually loves you enough to never cheat on you." He
says that that he cant remember where he got the number, that it was probably
a number he got before he meet me. He has lied about the times he has got
home from work and never tells me any thing. He says that it is not important
to him, so he never remembers to tell me. My question is, with all this in
mind and the fact that I have trust issues, should I believe him? Or should I
do some sole searching on this relationship? THANK YOU
Advice
- Question:
I recently married the man of my dreams. We met towards the end of our
last year of college, and fell in love instantly. We got married after
graduation, and have only been together a bit over a year. My problem
will probably sound insignificant, but lately it has been driving me
into some sort of depression. I got out of a terrible long term
relationship a couple months before meeting my husband. My ex abused me
in every sense of the word and cheated on me with my friends for years-
though I was too niave to believe it. So when I met my husband, the
little things he did seemed like miracles from heaven. He saved me in
so many ways, and I became strong again. Unfortunately, as time has
passed, I have at times lost the self confidence I had gained. About
three months into our marriage I realized we rarely had sex. One night
I wanted to sneak into the shower with him to surprise him, but found
the door locked. We never had the door locked in our little home (only
one bathroom). I told him later that I had tried to sneak in the
bathroom, and he was very honest and was able to tell me that he has
been masturbating... which we always talked about in college and were
completely open about. But as our sex got less frequent, he became
obesessed with this impulse he has been reliant on for pleasure for like
fifteen years. I always felt masturbation was a form of substitution
from sex, but not nearly as good as the actual act...which I would
choose any day. As months passed, I began to feel like his nightly
showers were a way for him to indulge in his fantasys, a part I could
not satisfy within him. There are porn sights on our computer with
these beautiful women- the ones he invisions in his fantasies. I am so
happy he is not acting out his fantasies with other women, and he is so
sweet to be honest with me about his actions. But the times we do make
love, I feel ugly and have absolutely no creativity or confidence. I
seriously fear that he will soon want nothing to do with me. How can
I understand what this masturbation means?
Advice
- Question:
Hi!
it's the first time I write 2 u and I haven't yet understood if this is
the way to post a question on which I would like a piece of
advice.Anyway,I hope I'm sending this 2 the right place :-).
Well,I've been dating my girl for about a month now(we r both 18) but
whenever it comes 2 sex I'm afraid that my inexperience is really
obvious 2 her and I don't know what I can do about it.You see,she's no
sex expert but she had this relationship with this older guy for about 2
years and she's learnt quite a lot if you know what I mean...I,on the
other hand,have only had a few times sex and I'm really embarassed to
say that it was no other than paid one.Anyway,my fear lies on the fact
that she is more experienced than I am and although I really(and she)
want to have sex with her(me),I'm afraid of her reaction 2 my
inexperience.Also,I was wondering if the fact that I'm her age and not
as experienced as she would probably want me 2 b ,could change her
feelings about me(which I want 2 believe r more than positive).
I would really appreciate any piece of advice that could help me
overcome this more of self-confidence and insecurity problem.I really
like her and she's hasn't been oppressive at all but I'm afraid of what
she will surely think one day if she sees me avoiding this type of
conversation all the time and of course of her reaction.
Do you believe that I should go ahead and tell it to her?
Plz help me!
Thank you in advance!!!
p.s.Forgive my english.I'm greek but I'm doing my best...:-)
thank u!
Advice
- Question:
Hi - I don't know how this works, so i will just say my name is lexy, in
case you publish this. I'm having a very difficult and emotionally
tormenting time right now. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year
and we were long distance for part of that time. he fell really fast for me
and treated me like a queen. i fell for him, too - but slowly. i'm not the
type who falls easily, and I am in my early twenties (just out of college)
and have only been in love once. the relationship is great and I care for my
boyfriend tremendously, but lately I've been having all these doubts about
my feelings for him - whether or not I am really in love. I think he is a
little crazier about me than I am for him and I want to know if that happens
a lot in relationships - that people's feelings shift and one person may be
crazier for the other at certain times. Anyway, I've already driven myself
nuts with questions and fear and worry and need peace again. I don't want my
relationship to end, but I don't want to live a lie and I'm not sure I know
what it means to be in love, nor do I trust myself and the decisions I make.
There's a lot going on in my life right now - and I'm not sure about
anything. I'm just a ball of fear. I was so thrilled with my boyfriend a few
weeks ago and loved the little things - like lying on his lap and talking,
or snuggling. now i'm filled with doubt and questioning everything. what
should I do?
Advice
- Question:
I am a 25 year old male who like to do a lot of fun things. I recently met a 24 year old girl through a friend of a friend and we hit it off perfectly. The first few weeks we spent every waking moment with each other. It was looking like we were going to quite possibly fall in love. It was just a matter of time. Then about a week ago, she came to the realization that she was going out of town for the summer. This spawned her to become less interested in our relationship and she decided to pretty much call it quits. I can't tell if I was overwhelming her or if she is just scared. On top of it she is a virgin. That means that she is obviously scared of something. She says that this is not by default. In her past she just hasn't met anyone that has suited her quite as well as me. And on top of this we came closer than she had ever been with a guy(sex-wise) about 2 weeks ago. What should I do and how should I go about approaching this issue? Obvious advice is not necessary(talking about it(already been done). It is like a brick wall came up in front of our relationship. This girl is special but...
Advice
- Question:
My wife's mother is 61 years old and has had the worst luck with the men in
her life. First marriage, her legit father commited adultry and divorced
when my wife was 4 years old....Second marraige, married a man who had four
children in a previous marraige, while my mother-in-law had 3 of her
own.Raised 7 children in their household til the kids where in high school,
and finally divorced due to her finally getting tired of the way she had
been treated after 10 years of marriage!!!! Then she married for the third
time, a high school teacher she met while working at the same school.. He
was 7 years younger than her!!! He was an alcoholic and committed suicide
after a couple years of marriage!!! Then her 1st husband came back into her
life without a dime in his pocket after 15 years!!!She took him in and
lived with him for the rest of his life, but they never remarried.....He
ended up dying of cancer at an early age of 52.......Now 7 years of not
dating she meets a male at her work!!! She is 61 years old now and the male
she is "interested" in is at the age of 43???? What shocks me the most is
that all her life she complains about how the men in her life , she was the
one at all times taking care of them and that she was looking for a man to
finally take care of her... A man that was financially well off and that
could take her in for a change!!! Right ? ...Well what does she do, she
takes in a stranger , with alot of access luggage, 2 marriages, going
through a divorce right now, not a pot to piss in, on depressant medication
and saying that he loves her and wants to give his soul to her???? And
ideally she got herself right back where she was with her previous
marriages... She said she would not live with him? he's staying with her on
weekend!!!! She is literally supporting him , he has no car, and he is now
living with his mother because he cant afford to live on his own!!!! My
mother-in-law is about to retire in 3 or 4 years and finally enjoy her life
and yet she is involved with a man who doesnt have his act together at the
age of 43???? My wife is concerned and quite shocked, the age difference is
a key factor and the fact that this guy has nothing to offer my
mother-in-law but companion and sex!!!! Im confused...Im having a tough
time accepting this relationship, yet mom-in-law doesnt seem to have a
problem with this??? She is old enough to be his mother??? My mother-in-law
has a son at 39 yrs.old and a son at 37 years old.. My wife will be 36
years old in aug.....I dont believe marriage is out of the question even
though she might deny it now....Is there any advice you can pass on because
we are totally confused and concerned deeply about this
situation..............Thank you for your
time...........Help........................sincerely...cls
Advice
- Question:
I am currently in a relationship that has lasted (non-stop) for a year and a half. I love her a lot, and I am positive she loves me. We fight quite often, however, never over anything serious, always petty. These fights are always resolved by the end of the day. I feel that it is due to me that these dilemmas exist. I am very jealous. The problem is, I dont know why. She treats me like a king, and I am POSITIVE she would never cheat. The only explanation I can think of, is that my ex-girlfriend, dumped me because she liked my best-friend. He never loved her, and she knew this, that is why she settled for second-best. Eventually, she got tired of second best. I was NEVER jealous and treated her like a princess. Why cant i show the same affection towards the real love of my life? Any advice whatsoever on how I can improve my state-of-mind, and destroy my jealousy would be grateful.......Thanks.
Advice
- Question:
When is the right time in a relationship to say "I love you?" I don't want to overstep my bounds and scare my boyfriend of four months, but I do want him to know how I feel. I've only been in love twice before, and I know for sure that these feelings are real. Should I hold back a few more months, or do I express what's in my heart?
The last thing I would want is to overwhelm him and lose him if he didn't feel the same way. I don't expect him to say it back, I just want him to know my feelings for him.
Advice
- Question:
I don't really know how or where to start...but I think by simply getting myself to write something down can really help ease the pain and pressure I'm feeling right now in my chest.
My bf and I have been going out for nine months. We've had good times and bad, shared laughter and tears, and I've actually come convinced myself that I can settle for him, even though he's not the cutest or greatest guy I've ever met or dated. He's got short-comings, weaknesses, and faults which I've learned to accept and all because in comparison to his other good characteristics (ie values, manners, attitude, sensitivity etc) these short-comings are really nothing. However, despite my willingness to accept all his goods and bads, he now tells me he has second thoughts about my relationship because he can't quite straighten out his feelings for me. He tells me that although I seem to be perfect in everyway, for some reason he feels a lack of "passion" for me...but that he does love me in someways...and is really unwilling to give me up, but yet he can't perceive settling down with me.
He's gotten me so confused...when I first heard he lacks passion for me, I started to act aloof and try to avoid getting too close to him physically, but then he would initiate the hugs and kisses and touching...which then makes me think he really wants me then. So I would respond passionately as well, but then afterwards he tells me it was all his fault, he shouldn't have started it, and how bad he feels cuz I'm such a "good girl" for him to hurt this way. This happens over and over again, and each time I would start to feel like trash. Like he uses me and then throws me into the corner until the next time he needs me again.
What is going on? Is it lust that he feels for me or is there really love? What constitutes a "passionate" feeling for someone and why can't he feel it from me? I know I dont' have the excited, flame-burning passion for him either, but I can feel a tinge of pain in my heart when I think of him, so I call that my "passion" for him. What exactly is this "passion" that he's after? He knows clearly that this love-at-first-sight type of heart-pounding feelings won't last anywayz, and if he admires me in so many ways then why does he feel I'm not who he wants to spend the rest of his life with? What is missing here?
We communicate very well with each other. I've never felt more comfortable talking about physical, biological issues with anyone but him. He likes my smartness and enjoys our intellectual conversations, yet he thinks because he's christian and I'm not, that he enjoys being around ppl and I like it quiet, that I enjoy being with my family and he enjoys being with his friends, that we are ultimately incompatible? I'm willing to attend church w/ him, meet his friends and join his groups, and he's willing to show up at our family gatherings and sit down and watch sit-coms and soups with my mom...so what's the problem? I really can't see it...but he's making a big deal out of it and hence has gotten me more confused than ever...
He still calls and asks me to do things and go places w/ him, but yet he claims he's still confused as to weather I'm the best one for him or if there's someone else out there more suitable. I don't know whether to hate him or what...but he's obviously leading me as well as himself on and on in a never ending circle. He can't commit yet he can't let go. In the mean time what am I supposed to do? Sit around and wait for him to finally see the light and dump me or work harder to prove to him I can be just as loveable and likable? That I'm really what he wanted..? Can I afford to do this to myself? Am I being fair to myself? I personally don't want to let go because I feel I've built up so much already in 9 months. I can't bear the thought of giving up someone whom I've shared so much with...and he feels the same too (or so he tells me), and so I feel like I'm hanging in mid-air. I can't go completely down and yet I can't get up either...any advice?
Advice
- Question:
There is this man that is like twice my age. We have been
talking and we really have a lot in common. He is 49 years old I am 25 years
old my question is do you think the age difference is a big problem?
Advice
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