Art of Loving Advice
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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- Question:
I am 20 and a single parent. I became friends with a gentleman and we
took our relationship past the friendship level when me and him got
intimate. But unfortunately we never decided to become a couple. We
treated each other as if we were together. When thinks got rough I ran
to other people and so did he. Now he wants a committed relationship
which is what I wanted from the jump but was to scared to tell him. Then
everything hit the fan and now he does not want to be with me or so he
says because I talked to other people besides him when at the time he
was doing the same thing. He is someone I really care about but I don't
know if I should just let him be or push the issue. I am hoping he can
leave things in the past just as I have done to him for the things that
he has done to me that hurt me. Well I am very confused on whether or
not I should be with him or not
Advice
- Question:
I have been dating a man now for approximately 7 months. He is very good to
me and I am crazy about him.
He has a cottage which he spends all his weekends at. Before I met him, he
had this girl that he would bring up to his cottage occasionally to spend
the weekend with him. He tells me that they are only friends.
After about the first 3 months of our relationship, he told me that she
called him one day out of the blue and asked if she could come up to his
cottage for the weekend. He told her she could. He told me that he also
mentioned to her that he was seeing someone (refering to me). She asked him
how I would feel about her coming and he told her that he could not see it
as being a problem if I was there. He did not check with me to see how I
felt about this first either.
Anyway, when he told me she was coming up for the weekend, I felt hurt and
upset. I did not get hysterical but I told him that I was not sure if I was
comfortable with that and said that I didn't know if I was going to "join"
them that weekend. He tried to convince me that they were only friends and
he really wanted me to be there. He tried to reassure me by telling me that
if he wanted to be with her, he would be (as she is single)....but he was
with me because he wants to be.
In the long run, it ended up she changed her mind and did not come to his
place that weekend because the weather was bad (so she said). I know he has
been talking to her because I saw her phone number written on a piece of
paper in his duffle bag. She has not come around his cottage when I am
there as of yet, however, with the summer fast approaching, I am
anticipating that she will probably be around. (she has some of the same
friends as he does)
This is really eating me up inside!!! I am normally not a jealous person,
however, this is really bothering me! I am very threatened by her. I am
finding it very difficult to get over this overwhelming feeling of
insecurity. Do you think me feelings are justified or should I "get over
it". I am trying very hard to come across as a confident, self-assured
woman but this is eating me up inside!
Unsure How to Feel
Advice
- Question:
Hi. My name is L.L. I have a problem that requires a lot of explanation, so here goes.
I was in an abusive marriage for 9 years. I got out 21 months ago. 15 months ago I met the most wonderful man in the world.
The problem is that he asked me to move 1600 miles away from home to be with him. He moved here to be with his children. I have no family there except for my X-inlaws, so I agreed. Things have been hard here. His X-wife is a real pain and his 4 kids have, at times, given me hell. He even canceled our wedding 1.5 hours before because one told him not to marry me. We plan to marry in August. Things are finally beginning to settle down and I am adjusting. Now our only real problem is my 2 kids. They want to go back "home" They say they hate it here and would do anything to go back. I love my kids more than anything or anyone and everyone knows this. So basically it comes down to who has more right to be happy, me or my children. Some tell me that after 9 yrs. of torture by their father I have a right to be happy with a wonderful man who spoils me rotten. Some say a good mother would do whatever she could to make her kids happy. That is what I believe too. My kids are back home visiting for the summer so I need to know in the next couple of weeks what to do. My X has never been a real father but now, suddenly wants the kids near him back there. He has even offered to pay my moving expenses.
Advice
- Question:
I finally met a guy that I truly like and so far I think he's everything I
could want in a person. I don't understand why I bring up his past
relationship. I constantly compare myself to his ex-girlfriend. He was
engaged to her, but she cheated on him. He went back to her and she did it
again. What guy does that? Is he desperate?
He's asked me to be his girlfriend after 5 days of knowing him, and he says
how much he likes me. I'm not sure if this is common for him or if I'm
denying something that is truly magical. I've been in Love before but wow
this is happening so fast. I don't want to complain and scare him away or
talk about his ex all the time. He even asked me not to. He said, his brain
has two cylinders and mine has nine. I feel I ask questions about his ex
because I think he just wants to get married and he might do this with
everybody. I don't fall in love easily and won't marry just anybody. I
don't know why I'm acting like this. He's one of the best things that has
happened to me. Any good advice?
Advice
- Question:
I've been dating a woman for three years and she is finally putting her foot
down regarding marriage which I am scared of. Coming from a family where my
parents, siblings, and aunts and uncles have been divorced at least once, I
am very wary of a life commitment. She appreciates that but she is tired of
waiting, doesn't want to be in a dead end relationship, and wants her degree
of love to be reciprocated.
My girlfriend has given me some to do's or else the relationship is over
very soon:
a) move in together to determine if I can co-habitat or not (this freaks me
out)
b) figure out if I love her enough to marry her
c) go to counseling to determine a path to marriage plan
This seems reasonable to me since she is deserving of a loving relationship,
but I get so anxious just saying, "I love you" much less thinking about
taking the plunge. My shrink basically says I have to figure out for myself
how much I love her first to determine whether it's worth it or not to go
to counseling together, but I can't help but think that I have some deeper
issues I need to resolve. Here are some details on how I feel:
I'm sexually attracted to other women more than to her. I have a busy
schedule and she always seems to fall to the bottom of my priority list.
Sometimes I feel obligated to spend time with her and would rather be doing
something else sometimes when we're together. I am not genuinely happy just
being with her at her family or friends get-togethers which I find tedious.
I don't feel comfortable telling her I love her (or anyone else for that
matter). On the other hand, I could list more than a dozen things I would
miss about her the person if we weren't together.
You should know that my past relationships always start out amazingly
passionate, but become doubtful after six months and finally end near the
three year milestone. I feel like I'm not capable of a long term
relationship. Any advice would help - please!
Thanks,
Mr. I Don't Know
Advice
- Question:
I have a situation...i'm not very good with communicating to my partner. He 17 and i'm 22...hes old fashioned on his values, background, etc. For me I'm socialable, wild and outgoing and he hates my past relationships and flings. Hes a virgo and I'm a leo. Hes very sensitive even over little things. He doesn't trust me bec. of my past but I've learned from mistakes and he can't see that! I need to know how I can communicate well with him. We fight alot with screaming and angry words. I don't understand him sometimes and vice versa. I need help on how to work things out with him and how we can talk about things easily without taking it the wrong way. How can I get my feelings out without saying it wrong?
I need help fast and soon. Can you please give me some advice and what I need to do to make things right?
Advice
- Question:
I have been searching high and low for info. on non-sexual intimacy . To me, this refers to the loving actions between partners that may lead to sexual experience , but it's actions are non sexual in nature . I want to teach my MR. how to be loving to me and not have the utter focus of sex . I have tried showing him , telling him and even touching him in the manner which I wish to be touched . I want us to learn together about the emotional side of intimacy . I want sex to be more heart felt than orgasmic for me . I want ideas and frank talk of what can be done to close the gap on horny and open up the doors to passion , non sexual intimacy , and emotion . I am looking for books , letters , pamphlets , illustrations ...............whatever I can get me emotionally hungry hands on !! My MR. and I waited to become sexual , and since becomming sexual , I have been trying to get him to understand that my sexual needs begin with non sexual behavior from him. A concept not easily grasped by him . Please help . I love him , but he is on the way to " rocking me" right out of his world because he doesn't get how to cradle me in it ! . I am feeling more and more lonely and desperate . I want to help him understand that for me , sexuality starts with the intimacy created BEFORE we go to bed . Can you help ??
Advice
- Question:
Hi, I loved your web page so much. It has got so many great articles and advices, that i find so useful for a relationship. I wanted 2 ask Mr. Paul Mauchline about his article of "priorities". I wanted 2 ask him, what exactly does he mean in taking care of the self as the first priority, what shall i do to myself, if work is not in the subject? Thanx for your time.
Advice
- Question:
I have a real big problem i was wondering if you could helpplease. these
problems are really getting me down and iv read you web page and your advise
is really good.The thing is its about my husband we'v been married for 4
months and the thing with husband is he has completely changed then he was at
first,now i dont know what to do ,he never pays that much attention to me,if
iwe have a problem he wont talk properly and when he does say somthing he
blames it all on me,and say if i say anything to him he;ll listen then he
will get it out ofthe other ear,cause of that we argue all the time. he wont
listen to me ,he doesnt take me out very much.and every time he comes back
from work hell never spend much time with me hell just go to sleep.I tell
hime to do exersice he wont do that eithe im worried for him cause hes
getting very unhealthy.He is not romantic he even admits that,but i dont know
what to do to make hime aware of what he does.He says that his parents are
more than me and he listrns to them and his family even though there
wrong,he listens to them staight away than me,and that really enoyes me ,we
make love by night and he changes in the morning.when we have fights he says
the most horrible things to me ever he says i dont love you .but aftre wards
he says he ddoes but deep inside i know he does not,how do i make him love
me.he's really oldfashioned and tells me not to wear this but i half maige to
persuade him.but after wards well have a fight and hell say his way ,but
when i say somthing hell never listen to me. really confused with him but i
want this to work if anything big happens like a fight he go and tell my
parents and his and the next thing the whole world knows.and that really
enoyes me cause i'll get all the doings and they wont look at any thing whet
i say .I get wronged cause im a girl thats how they and he sees it.he doesnt
buy me gifts very much and if he does threr very cheap and i say is that all
im worth to you.please help me what shall i do.
Advice
- Question:
I was on the internet looking for some love advice, and I think I came to the
right place. I've been dating this girl for 2.5 months, and we met 4months
ago at a club in NYC. When we met, we clicked right away. We danced, talked,
and even kissed. Unfortunately, she was home for her Spring break from
college, and she had to go back to North Carolina the next day. We exchanged
phone #'s, and hoped to see each other again. Well 4 days later she called,
and we started talking on the phone, emailing, etc, then I flew down to see
her in North Carolina at school 3 weeks after we first met since I missed her
so much. I really connected with her on the phone, and wanted to see if what
I felt was real. So we got to know each other, and started falling in love.
Then she came to see me 2 weeks after that, and then again on my B-day. We
realized that this was something special, and we then became exclusive.
Since then we traveled together, saw each other as much as we could, but now
everything is different. The main issue is that she has 1 year left in
school, and she will not be back for good till May of 2001. Furthermore, I'm
having a very difficult time adjusting to the long distance relationship.
She's done it before, so she copes better than I do. However, She just
started taking summer classes, and works 3 nights a week bartending, so she
does not have much free time for me lately. Nevertheless,
the other night I called her out of frustration while I was drinking, and
said some really hurftul things to her. I was frustrated, down, and it should
have never happenned. So now she wants to take a step back and talk 2 or 3
times a week, because she's emotionally drained. She said that she loves me,
but a relationship needs more then just love to work. She thinks I don't
trust her, and that I need to be more understanding of her current situation
if this relationship is going to work. She's RIGHT! So we decided to take a
step back and not see each other for 6 weeks, when summer school is over for
her then talk about our relationship. We agreed to talk 2 or 3 times a week
when our schedules connect, and communicate through email.
It's not what I want, but she wants her space. I'm scared. It's hard for me
to take a step back since we spoke 2 or 3 times a day for the last 3 months,
and now it's 2 or 3 times a week. I'm also scared because I love her, and I
don't want to lose her. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with
her, and I know that everything will get better when we are in the same city
next year. I feel like if we take a step back now, that she'll be able to
take care of her responsibilities, and we'll eventually get back to being us
again. I wanted to know what you think we can do? Also, with your experience
do long distance realtionships work? Can we get through this bump in the
road? Or am I wasting my time? or should I break up with her, and if it's
meant to be we'll cross paths again in MAY of next year. Please help I'm
confused, and nervous, since I really want to make this work, but don't know
if I can handle the long distance!
Moreover, I'm 28, have my own company, successful, and deeply in LOVE!
PLEASE HELP!
-confused guy in NY
Advice
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