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Art of Loving Advice
Name: Jennifer
Question: Paul, Hi again my name is Jennifer. I asked you a question a while back it had to deal with me being unfaithful in my marriage and it happened 3 years ago. And I told you my husband was having a real problem dealing with it still. But we've really only been dealing with it seriously for about 2 months now. It was only a one time meeting and were really having a hard time coping with this. We could really use some advice because we dont want to just throw the towel in weve been married almost 10 years now and have 2 young children. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you again
Dear Jennifer,
I have asked BlueSuitMom to email you my last response, in case you did not receive it. From your last note I was under the impression that you and your husband had been dealing with the issue of your infidelity for these past three years. Based on your last note to me it appears that much time has passed in silence about this problem in your relationship before it has been addressed.
Trust is a difficult thing to rebuild in any type of relationship, but is achievable if both parties are prepared to work at rebuilding that trust. Much time has passed since your brief encounter before any dialogue occurred between you and your husband. I would have to question how your husband has been dealing with this over such a long period of time without communicating his feelings to you.
Jennifer, in my opinion this is extremely unhealthy. I am questioning why you and your husband did not deal with this situation right from the time it occurrred. A long period of time has passed without communication, and what I see is that your relationship has been slowly deteriorating over the last three years. Jennifer with no disrespect intended it sounds like you and your husband need to work on your communication skills. Relationships will not last if you leave issues like this unresolved for such a long period of time.
I would have to ask you what changed two months ago that started you and your husband talking about it now? Are you and your husband serious about wanting to save the marriage? Are each of you clear about the reasons you want to stay together? Saving the marriage for the childrens sake, or for the sake of the ten years you both have invested is not enough reason to stay together. As I said before to you, I feel you both could use some professional assistance from a therapist or counselor to help you sort out these issues and learn to communicate better with one another. If finances are an issue in seeking this assistance, there are many free services in most communities to help people with these types of problems.
Jennifer, I wish you well in resolving these issues with your husband and getting your relationship back on track .
Warmest Regards
Paul Mauchline
The Art of Loving Institute
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