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did the weekend go?
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Make Love Not War!
by Debora Myers
Educating our Teens about Sex
by Debora Myers
Where did the romance of Valentine's Day go?
By Maria Bailey
My Mom Makes More Money Than My Dad
By Paul Machline
I Make More Money Than My Husband And It
Is Destroying Our Relationship
By Paul Machline
Communication and Teamwork Can Help Prevent
Feelings of Resentment In A Loving Relationship
By Paul Machline
Real Moments Cure Any Feelings Of Resentment
By Paul Machline
Loving Our Children
By Paul Machline
Success: How Sweet It Is… Till Resentment Comes
Along
By Paul Machline
Breaking Up is Hard on More Than Two
By Paul Machline
If We Were Meant to Be… Why Are We Getting
Divorced?
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That Guilty Feeling
by Maria Bailey
"Diary of a Blue Suit Mom: Parenting Mistakes"
By Maria Bailey.
When A Mom's Life Ends To Soon
By Maria Bailey
A Lesson From TV
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I Make More Money Than My Husband
And It Is Destroying Our Relationship
By Paul Mauchline
Excuse me for being
blunt to the men of the world: Guys, get over your cave man instincts!
The days of being the sole provider have been gone for a long time.
It is the year 2000 and no longer a man's world. So get a grip on that
fragile male ego and bury it right now. In my opinion there is no room
for ego in a loving relationship. Since when does the size of a woman's
paycheck, or her job, or her position in society have anything to do
with her love for her partner and family? … Now, before you women rejoice
that I (a man) am taking your side, take heed. I believe it "takes two
to tango": two people create a relationship and two people are responsible
for the tensions and problems in that relationship.
Money is one of
the biggest causes of relationship failure today. There seems to be
no happy medium: either there is not enough, or, believe it or not,
there is too much. Tensions over finances can cause conflict in a loving
relationship. Imbalances in partners' paychecks - when one partner makes
substantially more than the other -- once again can cause problems in
our relationships. This is especially true when the woman is the principal
breadwinner in the family. The resentment felt by many men in this situation
is one of the major contributing factors in divorce today. These feelings
of resentment may lead to behaviors such as alcohol and substance abuse,
physical and mental abuse, infidelity, and more. Of course, let us not
forget the effect all of this has on children. They are just innocent
bystanders, witnessing their parents' conflicts over the almighty buck.
Sit back and think, for a minute, about the example we are setting for
them. What effect will this have on them as they mature to adulthood?
How might it influence the choices they make, someday, in their own
relationships?
All this emotional
turmoil caused by a woman making more money than a man. In my opinion,
the whole situation is sad and pathetic. Since when is love measured
by a balance sheet, income statement, or one's salary? A scorecard --
keeping track of each person's monetary contribution to a relationship
and family -- is no measure of the love one partner has for the other.
However, considering what I see and hear, it seems as though many couples
believe this is the case. It pains me to see such destruction of lives
over a dollar. Love has nothing to do with money. To paraphrase the
words of The Beatles, money certainly cannot buy you love.
In my workshop series,
The Art of Loving, I discuss my equation for life: "Love = Life, Fear
= No Life." I believe there is no in between. When another person in
your life -- especially your partner or spouse -- becomes jealous, envious,
or resentful about your career successes, it is a result of his or her
own fear. If this person is important to you, it is up to you to communicate
how this makes you feel. I find it sad that I have to say to you that
success, unfortunately, does come with a price in our society today.
Personally, I choose to have friends and, more importantly, a loving
partner who respects and loves me more for the unique individual who
I am, rather than for the level of my financial success in the world.
Life is full of choices. Ultimately, we choose our friends; more importantly,
we choose the life partner with whom we wish to share life's journey
of rising love. We all need to take responsibility for the choices we
make. If you are a successful woman, I would strongly suggest that you
choose a life partner and friends who are not intimidated by your financial
or social status.
Take the time to
reflect on my equation for life. Write it down and place it where you
will see it daily. When you look at the equation ask yourself: Do I
want Love in My Life? Do I choose Fear in My Life? In my opinion, life
is not about money, success, or whose earnings are greater. Life is
about Love: Love with no Fear. That is our ultimate choice.
Author's Note: Please note this article is one of a series that will be published over the next few months exploring this major conflict in loving relationships today. Your views would be greatly appreciated and can be sent to paul@artofloving.com
Copyright © 2000 All rights reserved. Paul Mauchline
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