Meeting People Online: Is It Safe?
By Leslie Karen Lobell, M.A.

Perhaps you have considered using online personal ads or dating services, such as Webpersonals, but you have not yet tried them. You are curious, but you also feel somewhat hesitant. For some of us, especially for women, we have concerns. Is it safe? You may be thinking, "Yeah, sure, I'd like to meet someone new, but how do I make sure it is not some weirdo, or creepy stalker, or something!"
 
Remember: most people using online dating services, such as Webpersonals, are looking for the same thing you are: friendship, romance, and the possibility of finding "the one." Most of them are nice, decent people. Many of them are busy professionals whose work lives make it difficult for them to meet potential dating or relationship partners in more "conventional" ways. It is very reasonable to have concerns about safety, but we also need to keep them in perspective: Actually, meeting people in Cyberspace is probably safer than meeting people in a bar or even the supermarket. We just need to use some common sense and intuition... and maybe utilize some tips for safety.
 
Almost any action we take in life, be it crossing a street, driving a car, or going out to a restaurant, involves some level of risk. After all, you might trip and fall in a crosswalk, get rear-ended by a drunk driver, or end up with food poisoning after a tasty meal. In everyday life, we learn that there are actions we can take to help insure our safety. The same is true for meeting people via the Internet. Just as you might look both ways before crossing a street, in order to avoid getting hit by a car, so, too, can you use certain precautions to make your journeys through Cyberspace, to meet people online, safe and enjoyable.
 
Before You Begin
In this information age, it is not too difficult for someone to find out a lot of information about us, such as our home address, from either a phone number or a last name and a first initial. So, first, I would advise being cautious about giving these out, inadvertently or otherwise.
 
Your Email Address:
A lot of your early contact with people you meet online probably will occur via email. Remember that your business and personal email accounts may have your name or other personal information attached. Many people get a separate email account specifically for use with personals. You may want to sign up for a free email address through Hotmail, Juno, or any of a number of other services. When signing up, remember that when you send an email, people not only get your chosen email address, but also the email will say FROM: Firstname Lastname. So, when initially signing up for this special account, do not use your last name, and you may not want to use your real first name, either. You can make up a code name, or have fun doing something playful. Perhaps you want to sign up your First Name as "Luv2" and your Last Name as "Dance." You could become "Goddess Incarnate," "Healing Woman," "Buffy 2000" or anything you come up with. Have a good time with it and express yourself!
 
Choosing A Service:
Once you have your email address, it is time to check out different services online. Either do a search on something like "Personals," or go directly to a website that you have heard about, such as one of our recommended sites. Read about the service before joining. Check out their privacy clause or other policies, so you know how any information that you give them will or will not be used. Make sure they will not be giving out your name or any other personal information. You will find that most, if not all, of these online services are conscious of your concerns for safety and privacy. Find a service that feels right for you. Many sites have free memberships as well as paid memberships. Choose a service and sign up. You are now ready to create a profile and start having some fun.
 
Creating A Profile:
When you start using a service, you can create a profile or identity to let people know about you and about what type of person and/or relationship you seek. Again, you want to take certain precautions in creating this ad to insure your safety and privacy. Do not give your last name. You may want to use a code name (this can match the one you used for your special email account, but it does not need to). If you are looking for someone in your local area, you can give the broad general area of where you live, but don't be too specific. For instance, stating "I live in the Washington, D.C. area" is probably better than "I live in the Adams Morgan area of D.C." or "I live within walking distance of the Dupont Circle metro stop." Beyond these few guidelines, the sky is the limit in terms of what you might say in crafting your profile. (Other articles can give you ideas for creating an ad that can express who you truly are and that will attract the type of person you seek).
 
Meeting People Online
 
Initial Meetings Online:
Once you have created a profile, the excitement truly begins. It is time to start meeting new people. You can chat online, exchange mail, and more. As you begin to meet people while you are online, again, be cautious about giving out too much personal information, such as your last name, your phone number at home or at work, or the neighborhood in which you live. Make sure you have gotten to know someone well - that you have talked to him or her long enough, and enough times, to feel it is safe - before you give out any such information. You may not want to give out this information until after you have met the person, face-to-face, on one or more occasions. Don't let anyone pressure you into giving out information before you feel ready to do so. Use your gut instinct and your intuition. If you feel unsure about whether or not you trust someone, err on the side of being cautious. Remember, you can control how much a person knows about you.
 
Moving From Online
 
To The Telephone Line:
Once you have gotten to know someone through online chats or email, if you are interested in getting to know that person better, you will want to move from communicating via the Internet to speaking on the phone. Perhaps you are ready to talk on the phone, but you are still not sure you should be giving out your number: There are some things you can do. You may want to ask the other person to give you his/her number, rather than giving out your own. "Ahh!..." but you say, "What about Caller ID?" Well, there are some ways to deal with this, as well. If you call from home, make sure to block Caller ID for your outgoing call (look in your local phone book to learn how to do this). If you are concerned about caller ID, you may want to call from a pay phone or public place. Also, if you have a cell phone, most, if not all, models have an option to block Caller ID. I would strongly suggest that you do not call from work or give out your work number until you know a person well, and feel sure that this person is safe.
 
Meeting Face To Face:
If you are serious about finding someone for dating or romance, there is a general progression that most people follow in getting to know someone they have met on the Internet: First they chat online and/or exchange emails, then they speak on the phone, then they meet in person. I would suggest that you have several conversations by email or chat, and at least one long conversation (preferably more than one) by phone, to get to know someone, before deciding to meet in person. Again, trust your intuition and your gut instinct. Okay, so suppose that you have met someone online, you have communicated by email and/or chats, then spoken on the phone, and you feel ready to meet this person face to face. What next?
 
Choose a public place to meet, such as a restaurant, café, or coffee shop. In terms of safety, a daytime date is preferable for the first date. In any case, choose a time when you know that there will be other people around. Do not have this person pick you up at your house -- and do not offer to pick this person up -- for the first date. Have your own means of transportation, so that if you feel uncomfortable, if you decide "This is not 'The One,'" or if you just start to feel tired, you have the option to leave whenever you wish to do so.
 
To avoid any possible misunderstandings, you may want to discuss, before the date, whether one person is "treating" or whether you plan to "go Dutch." Whatever the plan, it is always a good idea to have some extra cash on hand, just in case you may need it.
 
Don't Forget To Enjoy The Process
 
I have given you an extensive list of safety tips. You may choose to utilize all of them, a few of them, or none of them. Whatever you choose, remember to trust your instinct, use your own common sense, and do what feels right for you. Most importantly, don't forget to have fun. Meeting people online should be a process that you find interesting and enjoyable. Take action to minimize any possible risks, but remember that most people you will meet are friendly and harmless. So go ahead. Make some new friends. Who knows, you may be one of the lucky ones who find true love in Cyberspace.
 
Copyright © 2000-2001. All rights reserved. Paul Mauchline